Make this soba noodle bowl with miso tahini sauce when you’re hungry
but only have about 20 minutes to make dinner.
Sometimes I treat this blog more like a diary than a food blog, but I think that’s just how I cope. I’ve always written out my feelings, and that’s what I’m going to do today.
Maybe it’s a combination of the dreary weather, the excessive hours I spend alone working, my damaged self-esteem because of my recent aggravated skin problems, or just my mental health in general, but the past year or so I’ve had troubles even wanting to get out of bed. Maybe it’s depression, maybe it’s a lack of energy, I don’t know. I know my mom would smack me and tell me to go do something because nothing is going to get solved by staying in bed. I have friends who would encourage me to get help. I know that I’m the type of person that needs to set goals and deadlines or else I’ll never feel the motivation to do them.
I’ve spent so much time alone reflecting and wondering what the hell happened to me. I used to be the person who would wake up and jump out of bed, do the things that need to get done, work hard, play hard, then come home and pass out once I hit the pillow, only to wake up and do it all over again.
And it’s not because I don’t have things I’m motivated to do. I want to do the work I have. I want to cook food. I want to take photos. I want to meet new people and try new things. But for some reason, I just can’t.
After countless years I’ve spent working towards mental health awareness among the student population at my university and being understanding of my friends who’ve gone through depression, I never thought it would happen to me. I never thought the only thing that would drive me to get through the day is the thought of stepping out of the shower, steamy and clean.
I know, it’s a very weird thing to look forward to, but it’s sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day. A shower, fresh clothes, and deodorant. That’s all I can muster on the days when I spent the entire time in my apartment, watching episodes of a show I don’t really like and eating nothing unless there’s something already in the fridge. I’ve scraped together this soba noodle bowl because it took less than 20 minutes, one pot, one bowl, and it had nutrients I know I need.
Iron, calcium, vitamin C, probiotics, carbs, protein.
I’m stuck between this limbo of not knowing what’s wrong with me and knowing I need help.
I know the person I am right now is not me. Me is fiercely independent. Me is a perfectionist, and highly efficient. Me is dependable and reliable.
I am none of those things right now. And I hate it. I just want to be me again.
This is not a call for help. It’s not a call for pity. This is just me trying to find myself again.
Soba Noodle Bowl with Miso Tahini Sauce
Ingredients
- 1 tsp white miso paste
- 1 tsp tahini
- 1 tbsp lemon juice
- 1 tsp olive oil
- 1 tbsp tamari or soy sauce
- 1 serving of soba noodles
- 4-6 bulbs bok choy cleaned and separated
- 1/2 tsp sesame seeds
Instructions
- To make the sauce, mix miso paste, tahini, lemon juice, olive oil, and tamari until smooth. Set aside.
- Bring a pot to a boil. Add soba noodles and cook until just done. Add bok choy and cook until noodles are completely cooked and bok choy is bright green.
- Drain noodles and bok choy, then transfer to a bowl. Mix with sauce and sprinkle sesame seeds on top to garnish!
Notes
Peter Bamikole says
Lisalis!
You is indeed those things you have scribed in your third-last block of text. You is also human, and suffering/affliction is something we do well (or rather does us). John Donne’s “Meditation XVII” was great to read and ponder when I first experienced something resembling what you’ve described (except I knew then what was the cause: discouragement and despair).
(Pro-tip: I invite you to read his references to Christian baptism in their social rather than their theological/spiritual implication, which–in my commendation of it to you–is the point =]. Pondering my necessary dependence on many more things than I often acknowledge, was and remains a comfort to me). I wish you brighter days and more engaging TV shows ahead. (Dope food picture, btw. Also I like the new handle. When it popped up on my twitter, I was like “how did I end up following this person”, then I realized it was Lisa!)
P.S. I tried to rate the recipe 5 stars (b/c its lightyears beyond any of my dabbling in the kitchen) but it wouldn’t let me go beyond 2 stars? Pourquoi?
Ana says
Sorry to hear you’re going through this….as a precaution, you should check your B12 and iron levels, sometimes their deficiency is masked by this overall feeling of apathy, tiredness etc… Hope you get better!
Robin says
When you don’t feel like you, it’s very possible you have an undiagnosed physical condition. What you describe is what many with autoimmune disease suffer with. It makes sense to see a doctor for blood work. Make sure they test for thyroid antibodies. Better yet, see a Naturopathic Doctor and have them order the tests for you. I’ve been where you are. It clears up. But you need to know what you’re really dealing with. All the best to you.
Katie @ Produce on Parade says
I can definitely relate to your sense of not being able to do anything, regardless of how much you want to. A loss of interest in anything at all. Depression can come and go quite quickly and I never thought it would hit me either. It’s easy for people to say that you have nothing to be depressed about, but I’ve found it doesn’t work like that. Sometimes it will hit all of the sudden, usually for no reason at all, but generally under times of crushing stress and overwhelming situations. I’ve found it helps to just power through it, release yourself to it, and let your body do nothing for a few days or weeks if that’s what it needs. However, eat right, meditate, and be in nature to help scoot it along! :) Looks like you’re eating right already! And of course, seek aid, if necessary. It’ll pass, Lisa, my friend!
Gillian from The Haas Machine says
I love the raw honesty here, Lisa! I know it’s tough to pour out your thoughts with people when you don’t have everything neatly fixed, but we all appreciate you being real. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And I’m sending cyber hugs!
Yini says
Hi Lisa, I’ve been a quiet follower of your recipes but only recently read your posts. This one hit home with me because I’ve felt the same way you do many times. Look in the mirror, look yourself in the eye, and tell yourself that you love yourself (literally! say, “I love you!”), and tell yourself that you are worth getting over this slump. You are an awesome foodie and you owe it to yourself and your tastebuds to feel awesome and enjoy life again!
Merve says
Hey, I was wondering whether you could write down the nutritional numbers such as carbs, calories, etc. ?
Lisa Le says
Hi Merve! I tend to stay away from counting calories because I don’t want to become obsessive about the amount of calories I eat. Sorry if it’s inconvenient for you guys, but it’s what I need to do for my health and peace of mind. =)
Tracey says
Love single serve easy meals!!
Chris H says
I really like your recipes, simple & good tasting. Your good karma will make you happier. Your recipes help save animals like my chickens & bring joy to my friends & me.
Lisa Le says
Thank you :) A couple years later, I am very happy. Karma has been good to me haha. I hope you enjoy this recipe!